Embodiment, Intimacy, Sex
This journal entry is inspired by a talk I gave at Do The Good Stuff and Savoir Collab's "The Sex Talk You Never Had". I shared an Embodiment Meditation, as well as covered the topics of creativity, intimacy and sex.
You speed through your morning to get out the door. You spend the day to making work-related decisions, perhaps you ignore the hunger pains in your stomach or need to go to the bathroom at the expense of getting things done. You spend your lunch break eating while checking social media and responding to e-mails. Between working, exercising, preparing meals, and addressing the needs of your partner or family, you return home exhausted both physically and mentally. You realize your body hurts and your mind is already full with the to-do list for tomorrow. Then, you get in bed and, either alone or with your partner, desire intimacy or sex, but feel physically depleted, mentally distracted, and disconnected. Sound familiar?
We must connect with our own body before connecting with another.
Culturally, we spend a lot of our time using the mind and not as much time listening to the needs of the body. Our bodies speak to us in so many ways, and we need to create time and space to observe and feel the tension in our pelvic floors, solar plexus, shoulders, hearts, jaw, etc. Oftentimes, we don't listen until there are deep blockages or problems that show up out of "nowhere". We often blame lifestyle habits, our partners, or uncontrollable circumstances for the patterns that cause us to close down. Some of us might carry trauma or shame that has forced us to ignore or numb out in certain areas. In the yogic tradition, we learn that there are multiple layers to our organism, and physical tension is deeply connected to the subtle layers of the energetic, mental, and intellectual bodies. The path of embodiment meets you where you are at; it teaches us that everything we need for our liberation is available in the present moment. It is is a process of re-sensitizing yourself to feel instead of think. We examine our tension with curiosity and open heart, rather than trying to "fix" ourselves. We experience true relaxation as a gateway to pleasure.
Pleasure comes from re-sensitizing and connecting with the senses.
We take in the majority of stimulation through our sight, but what about enhancing touch, taste, smell, and hearing? All of these stimulate our brain and connect us more to our physical bodies. Even our pleasure can be disembodied, many rely on stimulation such as pornography or fantasy, rather than experiencing the pleasure of the body from within (no judgement on these things, just new way of viewing them). Embodiment means starting to listen to what is a "yes" or a "no" as we receive stimuli through the senses. The mind is very complex, but the body is so direct. Do you notice a subtle closure in the chest when you feel vulnerable? Does your belly expand when you feel inspired? What about the contraction of the shoulders when a project feels like a dead end? If we can start to understand the information our body is giving us, this is a new pathway to healing, joy and pleasure.
To have presence-based sex, we have to be aware of our own bodies, hearts, and consciousness. We must have a willingness to meet ourselves and others where they are at. This means being mindful of expectations and attachments, learning how to process our pain and discomfort. Oftentimes we subconsciously project our unprocessed grief, heartache, and insecurities onto another--all things that might surface in an intimate moment. Intimacy is an act of vulnerability, and it takes a lot of courage and awareness to show up with our "stuff" and let ourselves be seen. We might not always meet in the most open and present state, but we can certainly create habits that allow us to prepare for more sensitivity, sexual intimacy, and pleasure.
I have so much more to share on these topics! Please connect with me over a private session or explore my new Shakti Mentorship program if you're interested in going deeper. Wishing you pleasurable connection and embodied love.